Fighting Through

Sisss.. this journey has been one that I haven't been able to predict at all! Some days are amazing and the tears that I cry are joyful tears. There are days when I have to literally fight to believe the truth and override all of the lies. Lately I have been reading Hebrews chapter 4. My pastor directed me there as he felt there were some keys that would help me. The more I read through the chapter about the Believers Rest, the more I saw that my entire life I had been in unrest. I lived in various dimensions of fear. Fear and confusion that entered during molestationin my childhood. I suffered from sexual, emotional, physical, and psychological abuse from various family members. I was always so afraid and desiring love and safety in way that opened me up to be consumed and devoured by people who were assisted by the Enemy.

In the scriptures I saw the Israelites who were freed from horrible bondage from Pharoah and the Egyptians. They were enslaved for centuries. They were delivered by The Most High God of Israel through Supernatural signs, wonders, and miracles. They saw first hand that their God was Almighty and Superior to any of the gods that the Egyptians worshipped. After God delivered them and continued to provide for them, the began to doubt Him and His abilities to take care of them. They were in a place of rest, although they had to start over, but they couldn't take it in. They murmured and complained and even wished they had stayed in bondage because food and water was provided for them each day. God was teaching them to depend on Him to provide as He did provide for them miraculously. I saw how offensive unbelief was! Unbelief is a sin! It caused them to miss out on the promised land that God desired for them to enter. They died in the wilderness, never experiencing the true physical manifestation of REST and being provided for.

I saw myself after I read this book. I was so accustomed to being stressed, depressed, unseen, unheard, afraid, nervous, unsafe, and abused that it was hard for me to enter in God's rest. I only needed to believe His promises to me. I needed to trust that He was able to help me and protect me despite what things looked like around me. I needed to stop replaying my past in my mind. I needed to stop ruminating over all the horrible things that were done to me and the ways that I was betrayed. I needed to stop because I was no longer there. Jesus delivered me! I AM SAFE even though people or situations try to presentt mirages that need my participation so that I can welcome the spirit of FEAR, ANXIETY, WORRY, FRUSTRATION, back into my my soul. I don't care about presents itself anymore. I have chosen to be obedient and trust and rely on my Father in heaven to protect and provide for me despite the enemy's constant attacks.

We must fight the good fight of faith everyday! I had to fight to believe the truth about myself. I had to fight to believe in my mind that there was more for me than a life of abuse, broken promises, financial struggles, fears, and hopelessness. After decades of stress, worry, fear, anxiety, instability, and bondage... I finally entered into the Believers rest when I completely relied and trusted in the promises of my God. Because of that, I am entering my PROMISED LAND!