Trapped...

In the beginning I had heard of countless stories of how his exes mistreated him as he tearfully shared his past of heartbreaks and I fell for every calculated lie that he presented. See, what we don't realize is that those very moments that we are processing as intimate and bonding, were all bait. As abused women we don't truly understand how manipulated we are by the use of our emotions and brokenness. Every single conversation had with this person was all orchestrated to extract information about your past, traumas, pains, fears, desires, and to also access how gullible, desperate, emotionally unintelligent, and how quickly it will take them to convince you that they actually care about you.

Sis, he has been setting a trap. A trap that we never are able to see because it is both spiritual and psychological. I often look back and reflect on my past because The Holy Spirit has given me so much clarity to actually SEE what was happening to me in that relationship. I didn't realize how sinister the entire thing was until I escaped and began to receive deliverance. He positioned himself as a victim in his relationships because he knew that I had actually endured being a recipient of actual abuse all of my life. This includes childhood sexual, verbal, physical, and emotional abuse as well as abuse in adult relationships prior to him. He knew I would empathize with the false stories and his faux tears as he shared. He knew that I would do all that I could to create a safe place for him being that I had desired the same. He did all of this only to create a definite bond and attachment to me.

He had all the information that he needed to know that I was deprived of many things throughout life and that I desperately wanted a family, safe home, father figure for my daughter, and marriage. He knew the cycles of my life. The cycles of neglect, deprivation, loneliness, and varied aspects of abuse. The covert narcissists is very skilled in mimicking human emotions and he bonded with me through tearful confessions of trauma, abuse, and desiring something better than his past relationships and disconnects with family. I did all that I could to create a loving home and atmosphere for him as I desired the same. The slow introductions of disregard weren't easily noticed. The disrespect and rage begin to simmer forth in small dosages until I begin to encounter narcissistic rage from him.

The constant devaluing of my achievements and underhanded compliments begin to arise as well. Constant yelling and screaming and the fury that would erupt began to slowly train me to compliance to keep the peace. The times that it would get so unbearable that I would suggest separating, he would break down and cry uncontrollably and ask that I please forgive him and give him another chance. He would seemingly change for about a week and the same treatment would occur. This happened for 7 CONSISTENT YEARS! I was.. TRAPPED! I was trapped in a vortex of trauma, pain, fear, voids, emptiness, loneliness, and really believing that this was the only option for me considering my past and my life.

In the bible it speaks about the fowler who sets snares or traps for birds. The enemy, Satan is the ultimate fowler. He sets up so many traps for the children of God. We are His daughters and we are precious to Him. When we turn away from living a sinful life ( which if we are honest, was a entry point to this person even being soul-tied to us in the first place) and allowing our un-balanced emotions to direct us and choose Jesus, then He sets us free from the Enemy's snare or trap. I want you to read Psalm 124:

A song of ascents. Of David.

1 If the Lord had not been on our side— let Israel say— 2 if the Lord had not been on our side when people attacked us, 3 they would have swallowed us alive when their anger flared against us; 4 the flood would have engulfed us, the torrent would have swept over us, 5 the raging waters would have swept us away.

6 Praise be to the Lord, who has not let us be torn by their teeth. 7 We have escaped like a bird from the fowler’s snare; the snare has been broken, and we have escaped. 8 Our help is in the name of the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.

I bolded the parts that really highlighted in my spirit when I think about the sheer hell that I experienced with this person with his anger and abuse. I realized that I had been trapped from day one! Now that I had a relationship with my Heavenly Father, He has made a way for me to escape as the chains have been broken off my mind, body, spirit, and soul! He helped me to escape from my acceptance of being abused. When I choose Jesus and begin to read my Bible, it began to come alive to me as it already is alive! IT IS GOD BREATHED! So I encourage you Sis, to choose LIFE today. Jesus died for you to be set free.. not re-enslaved through the use of an abusive relationship. GIVE YOUR HEART TO THE ONLY ONE WHO WILL NEVER BREAK IT... JESUS CHRIST.

Be blessed Sis.